Be a Pro at Gratitude

Showing gratitude is a win-win.  Harvard research shows that just thinking thoughts of gratitude makes you measurably happier, regardless of whether or not you act on them.  Setting time to think or write thoughts to yourself about the gratitude you feel has positive effects on your general outlook in your life, and also on the relationships you have.  So if you go out and share your thoughts, notes, letters, or posts about the gratitude you feel, then that feeling becomes contagious and everyone wins.

I am truly grateful for so many things that I am fortunate to have in my life - my family, my friends, and my dog to name a few - and there are so many ways to show them my appreciation.  But how do we show that gratitude professionally?  I know how to show my wife and my kids and my parents appreciation, what is the right way to show that to people we work with?

This question popped into my mind while reading a book recently- How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie.  This book holds page after page after page of golden rules of growing positive relationships and positive influence with people.  It was written in 1936, and you would think it would be out of date by now, given the digital age and the way that communication via telephone, cell phone, and video phone has evolved, but it has not.  

The one line that sparked my mind was from Charles Schwab, whom I only know from financial commercials, but it turns out he worked in the steel industry.  He said - “There is nothing that so kills the ambition of a man more than criticism.  I never criticize anyone. I only give them incentive to work.”

So it worked into my mind that the opposite of criticism is appreciation.  Schwab showed appreciation to everyone as incentive to work.  Did you know that the number one reason given in exit interviews after someone quits their job, in more or less words, is that they did not feel appreciated for the work they did?  In a recent study, it was found that 51% of bosses said that they do a good job showing appreciation, but only 17% of employees feel appreciated.  Another recent study found that 81% of workers said that they would work harder if their boss showed more appreciation.

I can think back to all of the best leaders I have encountered and I think this one thing is true, they all made me feel like I was good at what I did.  Whether I was any good or not, they made me feel that way, and it made me want to get even better.  Those leaders were fluent in the language of “appreciation,” which is not only made of words, but also intentional actions as well.

So let’s talk about how to show appreciation to employees at your school.  

1 - Affirmation - Show praise with your words.  Sam Walton, founder of Walmart, once said “Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well chosen, well timed, sincere words of praise.  They are absolutely free and worth a fortune.”  Authentic, specific praise shows that you appreciate not just what someone is doing for their class or for their colleagues or families, it shows that you appreciate how they do it.

2 - Public Recognition - Tell everyone else what an amazing job a teacher is doing, or give them the opportunity to show off their knowledge or system.  To me there is no more impactful praise than when a leader says in front of a group, “Hey can I tell them about what happened during your lesson today” or “Can I read this parent email that came through about you staying after school to help Johnny?”

3 - Attention - Giving your time by slowing down and taking some one-on-one time with a teacher can also be invaluable.  Some of our hardest workers just need to feel heard, have the time to ask you questions, and ask them questions back. If you do not have a way to ensure that you are giving one-on-one time to each of your direct reports monthly, or even weekly, that is a good place to start to show professional gratitude.

4 - Relief - Take on someone’s assigned responsibility so that they don't have to. Once a week, if you as the leader cover one teacher’s morning or afternoon duty so that they can have 30 extra minutes to grade papers, it can make a teacher’s day or even week! We had one copier on the whole middle school campus when I was a principal and there were a couple of buildings that were really far away.  If I saw something come through the copier from that building and brought it with me to drop off on a walkthrough, that little act of awareness and service saved that teacher time, which every teacher desperately needs more of.

5 - Gifts - If you have the budget, little gifts speak to a lot of people.  Something as small as a nice new red pen in your mailbox when you just ran out hits home and puts a smile on a teacher's face first thing in the morning.  Gifts don't have to be big or expensive, after all this is your coworker or teammate and the expectation is nothing, so even a Snickers bar is over the top.  I once gave my teachers lotto tickets - the ones that say “$2000 A Week For Life,” because I told them I couldn’t give them a raise, just a chance at a raise.

Remember not everyone feels the same appreciation the same way.  Different members of your staff will appreciate kind words more than a pack of gum, and others would rather have an extra planning period far more than for you to come talk their ear off, so mix it up.  Understand that you will have to personalize praise if you are going to hit the mark for all people.  Sometimes your gratitude may even create a burden for a few individuals.  For example, if you want to take the staff out to dinner for your holiday celebration, that means a fun night out to your 25 year old second year teacher, but it might mean paying a sitter $100 for a parent of 4 kids.

So, when you personalize your gratitude, here are some good rules to follow:

• Show your appreciation early and often - build up that emotional bank account with every staff member and deposit frequently.
• Showing appreciation for the little victories is just as important as the big wins - sometimes noticing little things has a bigger impact than the obvious results.
• Praise, affirmation, giving time, or whatever way you choose to show your appreciation, it has to be authentic. Being conscious about giving thanks cannot translate into being forced or inauthentic.  Show your appreciation because you truly appreciate the job of the teacher.  Because you value their determination and dedication and want to recognize them for pumping up even just one kid who bought into their new math game.

When I think about showing appreciation, one very important day comes to my mind. My last day as principal was fast approaching, and I wanted to think of a way to show my appreciation to the teachers at the school, because it really was my opinion that they had made my job easy, and made me look good.  I was the conductor, but without them playing the instruments, our school would have been silent. 

So I went back and forth and back and forth about what I could do for everyone.  I thought about doing sometime different for every teacher, I thought about throwing a big party, I had a lot of ideas, but I settled on one final act.  I took the staff out for a drink and when we got there, I passed out an envelope to each of them.  Inside were 3 personalized letters of recommendation, one open and two sealed, for them to use. 

I thought that the greatest gift that I could give them was that they would not have to come back to me to seek a reference letter when they apply for a loan, apply for grad school, or even apply for their next teaching job. 

I believe that might have been affirmation (I told about the good job they did in the letter), attention (because I gave one to each person), act of service (because it took a lot of time), and public recognition (because they could show it to whomever then needed to) all rolled into one. 

The gift, that was the drink! 

And I got many of those in return. 

I’ll never forget that day, because when I got home that night I felt that maybe my greatest act of leadership, was my greatest act of gratitude. 
Blog written by Geoff Gorski, Middle School Director (Envision Science Academy and former LBL consultant). 

Additional Resources:

The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace (book Study Archive)