Control the Tongue and Control the Whole Body (Lessons from my Pop Pop)

I have read that the two most important days in a person’s life are the day they were born and the day they figure out why.

Today I celebrate my 45th birthday and I have extreme clarity on why I was born, to be the differencemaker in the leadership development of individuals and organizations.

I love waking up each day to serve our School Leadership Community which you are apart of. So even though we have probably never met. basically I wake up thinking about how can I best serve YOU! 

Thank you for letting me live out my purpose.

As I reflect on the last 365 days, the challenges that so many faced, the loss of love ones and hate and anger shared, I cannot stop and be grateful for the extra hours, 100’s of extra hours, I got to spend with my family in quarantine. Great memories.

We did travel out of state once and visited my grandmother who had just turned 90! She was cleaning out her closets and handed me this folder that contained hundreds of sermons written by my grandfather. He wrote them as an aspiring and practicing pastor, some date back to the late 1960’s.

I was recently reading through them and came across this passage he wrote on August 24, 1969 titled “Little but Powerful” based on James 3: 1-12 he wrote, 

”The tongue is small in size but capable of terrible destruction.”

This powerful message really got me thinking about how am I living out my purpose? Am I following this principle?

Recently I was working with a school that is having challenges with operations and compliance. I had the chance to ask an employee (the testing coordinator) questions in regard to their decision making around a written State policy. I could tell that my questions made them uncomfortable and I tried to regain rapport but it was too late. The damage was done.

Within a few hours that employee resigned their position the day before testing!

In hindsight, the resignation was good for the organization but I could not help but ask myself, "What role did I have in this problem?" But it wasn't my goal for her to quit, just to better understand how we got here. 

This is just one of thousands of examples of how my tongue, my need to be right, my desire to know it all, has created destruction in the lives of others. 

In his sermon my grandfather went on to write these notes: 

"We put bits into the mouths of horses to control them." (A bit is the bar that connects to the horses reigns so the rider can pull back and control them). 

He goes on to say,

"This means if we can control the tongue we can control the whole body."

Another example he gave was a rudder on a ship...

He wrote, "Note how small a rudder is in comparison with the size of a ship, and yet a gentle pressure on the steering wheel from the captain and the ship can turn full around."

"The rudder like the tongue is small but great influencer in the direction of the ship."

In conclusion he wrote,

“James is not referring that silence is better than speech. He is pleading for control of the tongue."

  

He finished his notes with this from Ecclesiastes Book, “Honor and shame is in talk and the tongue of a man is his fall.”

In honor of my grandfather (Pop Pop), who was such an incredible influence on my life and still is, controlling my tongue will be my focus for the next 365 days and beyond. 

Here are seven ways I will work over the next trip around the sun to control my tongue!  

1. Listen more and fix less: It is challenging for me to listen and not want to give an idea or solution to the problem and be heard. 

2. Know that words matter: Many times, I say the right things but in the wrong tone or at the wrong time or worse the wrong things at the right time. I am learning that there is a time for everything including when to speak and what to speak.

3. Rule my emotions: This will be by far the most challenging for me. I seek control and accuracy under pressure and conflict. I must enter the discussion by declaring noble intent speak gently. 

4. Avoid unwholesome talk and gossip: It's too easy to get sucked into these discussions, if I want to live out my purpose I need to be better for others. 

5. Say no more often: I hate saying no for many reasons, but when I don't it normally leads to me being overwhelmed and not serving those who need me the most at the highest level. My new answer will be, thank you for thinking of me. I am not available at this time, here are potential solutions. 

6. Feed my mind and soul with positive messages: We are not get what we want in life, we get who we are. Leadership in an inside job and I will continue to grow from the inside out. 

7. Silence is Golden: Let others' shine. 

Where might your tongue be causing destruction in your life or the lives of others? How is your lack of "control of the tongue" be showing up in your life?

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Keep making a difference,

Dr. Tom

Oh, so I have them on record. Here are my other big goals for the next 365 days:

1. Travel the world to see ALL of my nephews in their NEW homes.

2. Cross three Major League Baseball Stadiums off the vision board!

3. Do a "Debt Free Scream" on the Dave Ramsey Show.

4. Tithe more than my first year salary as a teacher ($25,000)